Every relationship is unique.
Every relationship has its challenges and issues to various degrees.
Every relationship will cycle through good times and bad times.
Every relationship will either keep on growing, stagnate or die.
Relationships are complex. They take work, dedication, love, trust and commitment.
Firstly, let’s take into account dispositions and values which can either be compatible or incompatible or a mixture of both. Say for example you have an argument, one partner in the relationship wants to talk about it, fix it and make it all better straight away and the other person needs time to process and may retreat for hours, days, weeks. This is then known as an incompatible disposition because it is bound to trigger further the person wanting to talk about it and heal the argument leading to the 'merry-go-round' scenario.
Personality archetypes. Things like consciousness', disagreeable, agreeable, assertiveness. Do you know each other's?
Then add past wounds (scars). If you don't get to learn pretty fast in your relationship what your partners core wounds are you may accidently keep scratching at them which then leads to bigger scars and potential problems in the relationship.
Astral and Mental dispositions. People can resonate with either or both although many will tend to have a preference. Some people are more heart based and tend to feel sensitively into everything, other people resonate more with mental structure and planning and the 'let's just do it approach'.
Then there is forgiveness and the will power and drive to keep moving forward. If there is no room or willingness to forgiveness from both people (because it does take two to tango) then resentment creeps in and resentment is one of the most difficult of all emotions to heal in a relationship.
Now here comes understanding each other. In relationships couples don't have to necessarily resonate with everything about their partner and what their partner does/likes but they have to understand each other and that also involves getting to know their deepest core wounds. No human is perfect, so if there are tendencies in your partner that you do not like, that do not align with your values or ideals, then know that you may not be able to change them straight away or if at all. If you want to and you choose to keep being in the relationship then that's on you and you need to understand this.
Communication. The Art of listening and being heard. This is one of the most important aspects in all relationships and learning what to say and when to say it is just as equally important. If you want to resolve a problem in the relationship and you are ready but your partner is tired or upset, angry or unwell then they will not be anywhere as receptive as you need them to be. In fact for some couples this will fuel the fire further and lead them further apart instead of closer together.
Here comes another to the long list......what about sexual chemistry and sexual boundaries. Are you on the same page sexually? Are you and your partner having sex for pleasure, gratification, heart/soul connection or the whole combo? Is there trust and emotional safety in this part of your relationship?
Then we have Ray Types. The 7 Rays tell us how we tick and how our partner ticks through different types of consciousness. Some ray types are actually incompatible which means it is more difficult to understand each other because you both think and see things so completely differently.
Making quality time for each other. Setting aside time on a consistent basis where you get to share sacred space, fun, intimacy............anything that your heart’s desire.
And lastly, do the work!!!! If your relationship is being challenged on any level, get help, don't just give up, break up or bury your head in the sand. If you love each other then you owe this one to each other. There is no point in one person in the relationship working on self, getting counselling or healing and trying to grow whilst the other is completely stagnant or in denial.
Relationships are our beautiful mirrors and can be if we let them, also our greatest teachers.
Catherine Wood (2020)